An attractive woman passes by me at the gym as I scramble and fail to conceal that I’m listening to Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliot’s “Carwash” from Shark Tale on YouTube

Me and my pastor did this over the weekend

CRASHOUT FOR THE AGES

Everyone at my local urgent care keeps calling me Mr Strep Throat because I can’t stop coming in to be diagnosed with strep throat

I’m not joking. If your goal is survival, don’t walk around as though you have any rights. Anything but absolute acquiescence is seen as violent rebellion. Move accordingly.

everything is dutch van der lindes fault

Charlie Kirk died thinking Joel Embiid was washed

I saw a reel referencing 9/11 and the top comment said “elite ball knowledge required”. For 9/11? Are the schools even open anymore??

we need to start being meaner about mormonism

dan mcquade forever

Lyonel Baratheon: "What is your name, man?" The giant hedge knight in his tent:

Family group chat loved this one (RIP Catherine)

Whenever we did pledge of allegiance in school I was thinking about some other shit like dark souls 1 or dark souls 2 or dark souls 3

VJ stealing the ball out of McCain’s hands during the finals this year will feel bittersweet. Good luck to our TikToker

Brady ruined his family for #7 what happened to the game I love

Thalmor thalmor thalmor thalmor dark elf smuggling skooma deaths

I got to witness history tonight

Playing through New Vegas right now and I like when this song comes on as I’m blasting apart a pack of golden geckos

Retweet if you #StandWithWomen tonight.