Not to brag but my parents ignored me and that was way before cell phones were ever invented.

I get a little sad around the holidays but also all year round.

Which one are you? 1. You have a healthy relationship to social media 2. You have seen every video on the entire internet

If I ever told you that you were amazing, calm down. I have very low standards.

I care about everything and nothing all at the same time.

Stores in Staten Island are like, that’s $10 cash or $38 if you use your credit card.

Who is the idiot that called it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?"

Is it normal that I'm sitting at a bar with a cocktail ordering Cascade dishwasher tabs and other stuff from Amazon?

Name a woman ME: your mom

There’s no law that says I can’t park at an electric car space even though I don’t have an electric car.

How about a hallmark movie where the main character’s back and hips are killing her because she’s sitting on the floor for too long wrapping Christmas gifts!

Only a few days until everyone begins their healing journeys.

Fuck FaceTime , I rode my Diamondback BMX bike 15 miles in the cold winter just to see a girl.

I subscribe to the belief that the last 3 years haven’t “really” happened.

I don’t believe it’s 2024. I think it’s a lie.

My New Year’s resolution is to stop coughing.

There’s a new crossing guard at the corner of my street. I am not making eye contact, because then I am going to have to wave at him every morning. I’m not starting that!

I don’t know who needs to hear this but - Okay it’s me. I don’t need a new cup.

When you are smart, that doesn’t mean you’re not a dumb bitch.

Privacy is now my luxury, my style and my peace.