how I met your mother will forever be the best show of all time

hey you guys try those new vegan chicken tenders

*serious situation* my brain:

don’t flirt with me i Bite

Everybody got the same hours in a day. Go fuckin get it.

the line in poems and closing time where I say ‘them bastards get richer while the poor dig ditches to bury their dreaming in’ I’d like to officially dedicate to Ticketmaster

I’m gonna get high and go look at christmas lights by myself idc.

the urge to just travel the world.

why be... when you can be..

earth is really a farm put out here by aliens and we’re just the cattle

Goodnight Good Day Hello And HAPPY NEW YEAR BABY

i haaate when people don’t get my sarcasm cause now i sound like a bully

accidentally vaped in front of my mom but she only saw the smoke and goes “what was that” so i immediately said “no way you saw that too?” and now i have to spend the rest of my life pretending my house is haunted

older I get the more confused I get

Fucking yo bitch with my sketchers on

You can’t spell DUI without U and I

if the matrix is real leave me the fuck plugged in

The cia is putting chemicals in the beer to make me want it every day