How it feels being off from work when no one else is

Our $450,000,000 Alligator Alcatraz in Florida Everglades is already flooding. Wonder what’s going to happen in a hurricane. Don’t worry! 17,000,000 are set to lose their health care to help pay for it. We are not a serious country.

is everything bleaker than i ever could have imagined? yes. but is it stupider than i ever could have imagined? also yes

Since summer is almost over here’s list of all the places I’ve been able to visit so far: 1. Work 2. Home

it's a fabulous time to be alive if you love: - verification codes - verifying your email - yelling "REAL PERSON" into a phone at a robot - reading nightmarish news all day every day - hot

In the last few years we've seen: - The plot to kidnap Gretchen Whitmer - The Storming of the Capitol and pipe bombs left at the RNC and DNC - The break-in to kidnap Nancy Pelosi and the brutal on Paul Pelosi - Multiple assassination attempts against Trump - The assassination

for everyone telling me to “shut up”, that it’s just “one study”, an “exception”

Me looking at literally every single player on my fantasy team rn:

“finally a day off” my day off:

u let yo bad days affect u too much. u don't let yo good days affect u enough. fix that.

Like you’re telling me all these Tame Impala songs NEVER charted??? That’s insanity

This exactly how Florida looks too lmaoooo

pitch black at 5:30

me liking every tweet about brian kelly getting fired

i think if your listening age on spotify wrapped is older than your actual age it’s cool and good and it makes you intelligent and interesting. if your listening age is below your actual age you need a psychiatric evaluation to understand why you’re the way that you are

"WHAT IF YOUR FAVORITE POLITICIAN IS IN THE EPSTIEN FILES?!" I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE POLITICIAN YOU FREAK THEY AREN'T POKEMON

Imagine going to the RIV at 6am to watch USA win the Gold Medal in Hockey then go straight to the Breslin to see Coen Carr do this. Kids these days don’t know how good they have it.