i don't network, i legitimately try to become friends w everyone. and that's a threat.

I don’t have time to read books or watch movies I only have time to watch 13 hrs of disjointed, chaotic content that leaves me feeling deeply anxious and alone

"not swearing is such a slay" -me being a good influence to a 16 yr old this weekend

a psychic told me that my soulmate would reach out in october and nothing's happened so far. can another psychic pls confirm if the first pyschic was a sham?

writer tip: always end your therapy sessions by dropping a new flavor of intrusive thought right at the end. leave ‘em wanting more. works every time.

New piece in the New Yorker written by Jenny Arimoto and me! newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh…

Asians finishing a meal

I logged into Twitter for the first time in months just to let you know I wrote this and I love Dylan!!!

dating isn't for ~finding love~, dating is for evangelizing therapy amongst straight men. i'm spreading the good word. i'm on mission.

my new piece in the New Yorker! every celebrity is starting their own brand apparently! newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh…

You need a good rotation

Woman who’s never done drugs

everything is content. a baby? content. a cake? content. nest cam footage of my child's room being haunted by a demon then a quick cut to a medium telling me to leave the house because it was pure evil energy in the room? content! upload it baby!

Coming up with a revenge plan with the besties

once again, temporarily logging back on to RT this video that I wrote starring my young husband Dylan Adler

the silly goose to stupid bitch pipeline