My doctor knows me so well. He wrote: Take three tablets 30 minutes to an hour before contact with your mother-in-law.

Dear every social media outlet known to man: stop trying to get me to follow people I know in real life

Parenthood is sobbing and hyperventilating at 5 am because your kids all slept through the night but the first explanation your brain gave you was that your entire family was dead.

Every day I think about the fact that when everyone thought the world was ending, instead of hoarding guns or food, they bought all the toilet paper

*removes heart from sleeve.

All my tweets go through my attorney’s head first.

My babygirls and I spent time yesterday. It made me feel so much better, those two are my breathing machine

Plot Twist- I'm a grown ass woman who would rather die than be in any type of commitment. And please don't get it twisted, I am not lonely. I aint like Big Mama. I have fun

Its crazy how everyone is convinced I have a new boyfriend and for some reason I stay denying he exists. You will know when I have a new man, please believe I will show the fuck out

Booking me and my babygirls' beach trip!

I did the right thing, I am so happy I trusted myself and got the fuck away from absolute toxicity

I do what the fuck I want I love this new reality

I wish more people fucked off in advance.

I didn't realize how salty you really are!

You are correct. I may not have much but I have full control and FREEDOM. And it is heavenly

Not to brag but I’m now the proud owner of a blood pressure monitor.

I own 2 sets of crutches I don't need or use so they sit there staring at me

Its 5:30 am. I can't sleep