today at work I spilled ketchup all over my hand and honestly miley stewart was right ketchup is a fantastic moisturizer

I will ride for my friend till the end

people I don’t talk to anymore use the holidays as an excuse to be in my messages and ask how I’ve been ... uhhh thriving without you!! thx for asking

just went to 711 and they didn’t have hot cheetos .... how ?????

we have a joke in our roomie gc that I’m from Georgia and look what Kenzie sent a few moments after YEEHAW

wait this actually fits-

you ever read a professors name and think you have an idea of what they look like and then they end up being nothing like what you thought they would look like bc same

I took a table today for one of my coworkers and I introduced myself to them and they asked what happened to my coworker. I deadass said “don’t worry she’s alive and well” who let me speak to customers like this

my teacher stole my joke and the whole class laughed but I want credit for the joke :/

which hospital do I gotta go to to avoid all of my responsibilities

festivals: cancelled nba: cancelled my work: see you tomorrow

QUARANTINE DIARY Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a Twix

I’m just buying shit online for no reason at this point ..... 😫😩

4 years later this tweet still accurate

College students: - Don’t qualify for $1200 check if claimed as dependents - Don’t qualify for $500 bc over 18 - Don’t get tuition refund - Don’t get rent forgiveness for off-campus housing - Don’t get to keep on-campus jobs - Don’t get student loan forgiveness - ?????

imma need everyone to stop asking me why I sleep at 5 everyday and wake up at 2 in the afternoon. it has become a norm at this point s/o not having to be up in the mornings no more