uh oh. he’s drinking from a skull again

he just told us he is going to need “a lot of dalmatians.” we keep asking him how many specifically, but he‘s dodging the question. “i’ll know it when i see it.” okay jeff

unfortunately jeff is hunting the interns for sport again

Hey, i work for Amazon we have plenty bathroom. I haven’t had a chance to use all them. Come and tour Amazon, your welcome anytime so you can see it yourself. I never see anyone pee in the bottles.

amazon’s critics like to say that its warehouse workers are peeing into bottles because we don’t give them enough time on their shifts for bathroom breaks. in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. jeff just likes the taste

in 2018, we asked every city in america to send in a video about why they should be the home of the next amazon HQ. the truth is, jeff didn’t even watch them. every time we’d remind him that he had to pick where to build it, he’d just be like “in a volcano”

to achieve immortality, jeff bezos shattered his soul into a million pieces. each was placed into an alexa. he claims all of them as dependents and that’s how he pays zero taxes

there are two ways to get instantly fired at amazon, no questions asked. the first is if you’re caught organizing a union. the second is if you walk in on jeff kissing the boxes

every minute, jeff bezos makes $152,207 and slacks a random employee to let them know

the amazon employee vaccination program has been cancelled because jeff took all the doses himself. he is glowing and floating above the ground

someone asked jeff if he was gonna watch the state of the union and he threw them out a window

jeff bezos was gonna be the first billionaire to host SNL, but someone pitched a joke about his hair unionizing and quitting. lorne michaels was like “don’t worry. we won’t use that it sucks.” but jeff was furious. he had bobby moynihan executed, it was really messed up

yeah, jeff bezos rode on jeffrey epstein’s plane. so what? they were going to six flags. it’s really fun there. why don’t you like roller coasters?

sneaking in a bathroom break while jeff is in space

jeff bezos is going to space to visit his home planet, Viltrum

jebf beezo