The only way the stock market crash could have been avoided is if literally anyone else had been president instead of Trump.

Trump on why the stock market and bond market are crashing: Obama, Hillary Clinton, George Bush, Rosie Odonnell, Big Bird, John McCain's corpse, Liz Cheney, Europe, China, Covid, Trans people

Dear @Sec_Noem , please resign immediately. If you can’t secure your own belongings, you clearly cannot secure this country .

Hey Elon Musk you big douche.. your cars suck and look like a kids toy

Hey greg , I was watching the new Mad Men show last night, and one of the characters was eating popcorn off her chest, which I assume they stole from you

Hey greg, can I borrow $ 4.4 million? I'll pay you back in a couple of weeks.

greg, waiting 2 months to post this

Hey greg , sorry I haven't been around. I overslept

If you want me to continue tweeting, I will need comments and likes (for my ego), or I will not waste my time and money tweeting. Thank you.

I'm surprised that Elon and Donald are fighting. They both seem like such stable individuals

Donald and Elon by Monday

I'm heading to San Francisco today to help my fellow patriots and to get a California burrito because they make the best burritos in California

Guys, I've started working on putting together Greg's obituary, so we're ready to go in case he should ever die. Please add your suggestions In Memoriam: Greg (1990–) With heavy hearts, we share the news of Greg’s passing on X X, 21XX. Known to many as greg.

Hi greg, I'd like to make you an offer. I'll say good morning to you every morning, and in return, I want 60% of your revenue. Let me know, and I'll draw up a contract

Breaking News: Greg spelled Kentuckey wrong, which is really bad, considering he lives there!

Breaking News!! I’m listening to the Stern Show live and Howard Stern has been fired. The new show runner is Andy Cohen of the Bravo network.

Holy shit!

Hey greg will you be running during the government shut down?

i'm speechless