This game has a very “Iowa vs Illinois 11 am kickoff on ESPN2” vibe to it

This works in a lot of places, honestly, but sports arenas? Not a chance.

No fucking way. I am devastated. This is a huge loss for the world. Not even Curling can counter the sadness that this truly brings to my heart.

Curling Lingo for People Who've Never Bonspieled #15 Bonspiel = a curling tournament. Pronounced "bahn-speel". Basically means "big curling party with medals and too much chili" 🎉🥌

This is the first minions movie I've been excited for since the original Despicable Me.

Curling for Dummies #16 Skip = the team captain who throws last and calls every shot. They're the boss, the strategist, and the one you blame when it goes wrong 🧠🥌 #CurlingSkip

This Super Bowl is identical to 2023 Iowa vs 2024 Iowa 2023: great defense. ZERO offense 2024: great defense. Kaleb Johnson

#Curling is more exciting than this super bowl. I said what I said.

I mean...I said what I said an hour ago.

Curling Terms for Total Beginners #17 Lead = the first player. Throws the first two stones and usually sets up guards. They're the quiet hero who starts the whole story. 🏗️🥌

Curling 101 for People Who Call It "Rocks on Ice" #18 Burned stone = when someone accidentally touches a moving rock. Old-school honor rule: you admit it and remove the stone. Curlers are annoyingly honest 😇🥌

Curling Lingo for Newbies #19 Peel = a takeout shot so powerful it removes an opponent rock AND your own shooter. House cleaning at 100 mph. High stakes chaos! 🚀🥌

Curling Terms for People Who've Never Seen It #20 Freeze = a draw that stops right touching another stone (usually opponent's). Makes it super hard to take out without wrecking your own rock. Sneaky! ❄️🥌

Curling for Dummies #21 Raise = hitting your OWN stone to bump it deeper into the house. It's like giving your earlier rock a friendly shove. Teamwork makes the dream work! ⛹️🥌

Curling Basics for People Who Think It's Boring #22 Weight = how hard you throw. Too much = flies through the house. Too little = dies short. Sweepers try to fix your bad weight with magic brooms ⚖️🥌

DO YOU BELIEVE IN (CURLING) MIRACLES?! 🤯 Team USA defeats reigning gold medalists Italy to reach their first-ever mixed doubles GOLD MEDAL GAME. #WinterOlympics

Curling Terms Even Your Dog Could Understand #23 Corner guard = a guard placed way off to the side instead of in front. Sets up weird angles and protects multiple stones. Sneaky chess move on ice! 📐🥌

Curling 101 for Total Newcomers #24 Come-around = a draw shot that curls around a guard and tucks behind it into the house. The "nothing to see here" shot that scores big. Ninja level! 🥷🥌

Curling Lingo for People Who've Never Watched #25 Tick = a tiny takeout that just barely moves an opponent's guard a few inches to open a path. The most passive-aggressive shot in sports 😂🥌 #CurlingTerms

No curling commentary today - work happened and it all blew up. BUT HOLY CRAP WE'RE ON TO THE FINAL MATCH TOMORROW! I'M TOTALLY EXCITED! I will absolutely be taking a long lunch to watch the game live so I don't get it spoiled (like I did today) Way to GO #TeamUSA #Curling!