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If you’re asking yourself how Trump voters are handling it only taking six months for the “No New Wars” president to start a new war, it’s by working themselves into a froth about how much worse Biden was. MAGA & protest voters sure do swim in the same vat of unpasteurized milk.

I guess, in retrospect, Trump was possibly lying when he ran on that whole “No New Wars” platform. If only we had some prior indication that he wasn’t prone to be truthful!

The only thing shocking about this is that she didn’t have “Christian” in her MAGA bio.

As the father of an elite lacrosse player, the only people I’m concerned with keeping out of girls sports are the overly intense dads, shouting sandpaper screams from a set of ravaged vocal chords. Dude, it’s lacrosse tournament, not Paris Island.

I love that I’ve been off Twitter for 9 months and you’re still obsessed with me.

Of course you did. Shadows like you can’t exist without the light.

How DARE you: I’m from *South* Jersey.

Y’know how when you have anxiety, you kinda get frozen before a decision or a project? Like, you know what you SHOULD do, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it? I guess what I’m saying is that Congress has anxiety.

The year is 2026. I trade $400 worth of Melania Coin for half a gallon of gas. I drive past masked ICE agents clubbing anyone with a tan. I barter blueberries for eggs while the MAGA on my right and the protest voter to my left both whisper “Kamala would have been worse”.

I mean, who could have seen the thing that several million of us said would happen actually happening?

This is the first time John Bolton has been fully tumescent in *decades*.

Hint: this video is not about touching buttons. #maga #trump #iran

Well I guess if there is a war, it’s a good thing there are so many alpha male podcasters who are ready to fight in it. It’s easy to find them, just draft anyone who has ever posted the “Strong men create good times” meme.

Do you think that guy who couldn’t open the pickle jar is gonna go fight in Iran?

One of the parents from the opposing team recognized me at my daughter’s lacrosse tournament. She was like, “Are you the comedian Jay Black?! I’m a huge fan!!” etc. etc. My wife & kid got to see that so I’m happy enough to *almost* forget that the humidity is currently 600%.

If you’ve ever gone on Facebook to sincerely share an AI-generated image of a dog saving a marine by piloting a helicopter (with five prayer emojis in the description), you are at least partially responsible for starting this war.

Aaron Rupar If Joe Biden had misspelled his own name, Jake Tapper would currently be in hour 71 of a CNN round table discussion with 24 talking heads on the screen at once. When Trump does it, though, America treats it like a mass shooting or constitutional crisis: YAWN.

Me arguing with angry dudes in my instagram replies tonight.