Foreskin? I’m not into sweater weather.

How I Greet My Friends: “OMG! Hiiii! You look so beautiful!” How I Greet My Best Friends: “Sup you little sewer goblin? Glad to see you decided to crawl out of the cum dumpster you live in.” 🖕

Telling me to “just calm down” is like telling a Forever21 employee to “just go organize the sale section.”

Gefilte?! I hardly even know her!

Santa Clause is coming to town? In THIS economy??

Missing the days before the TikTok and Instagram algorithms. When we were all on Facebook just raw dogging social media

“Douchebag” is the ultimate diss because you’re not even good enough to be the douche. You’re the mere storage container for the douche.

Rappers trying to come up with their stage name

Call me Jay cuz I be walkin into personal injury lawsuits

Ok hear me out…

an announcement youtube.com/@MrMichaelSpic…

*shows up to crime scene and pulls back sheet covering the corpse* “Wait he’s low key super cute”

Middle school art teacher who takes her job too seriously

Prostitution whore! You were f--king engaged 19 times! You f--king stupid bitch! #RHONJ #SuperBowl

Harold and Maude Go to White Castle

As a woman, I would not feel comfortable alone in a room with the Geico Gecko

Finally figured out who Austin from Love Island reminds me of…

I really am going to be in my 60’s calling everyone “dude”