Nothing like your hometown because I went out to the bar last night with nothing but my cell phone and just walked up to the bar and ordered and turned around and was like somebody will buy this

It’s not even funny anymore how fucking stupid so many of you guys are like I’m genuinely feeling bad for you and praying you don’t reproduce

ending things on bad terms.

All My little buddies 😢

giving teenagers SSRIs and birth control like they're tic tacs and then wondering why they cant feel anything by 25

Okay hear me out tho it’s not mr. Plow trucks fault youre an essential worker and drive a civic babeeee

How i walk when I’m drunk but i think I’m controlling it.

“Oil is $100 the barrel” what kind of 1600s ass measurement is that. That means nothing to me. Let me see the barrel

Every week, a tech executive goes onstage to tell the world they’re deliberately making the world worse because it will make them money

You are depressed because your ancestors fought and danced and ate meals together and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle

Thats us babyyy

I like what you guys are doing but this one is off the mark. There's nothing embarrassing about the guy helping out at his son's basketball game. It's actually wholesome. I wish more politicians spent their free time this way.

People be like whats the secret???? The secret is a good man and not giving a fuck about anything else

We really said “no child left behind” and then left them all behind

The City of Festus, MO canceled their Council meeting for tonight following last night's election whereby citizens voted out of office every single member who voted for the data center there that the people did not want. Micro to macro, that is how we hold them accountable.

The entire state of ri is smokey tn and nobody knows why wtf

Buying weed from from that weird dude whose house always smelled like cat piss flavored incense... And getting to take few hits out of his bong that was more expensive than his car... Was a core memory that a lot of you will never find in a depensary.

Kevin bought five guns and as his wife I shut the fuck up… how does he get away with that as a husband??? He buys me a purse to shut my ass up.

when i’m angry and someone offers me weed

People ask me like once a week if I’m excited that wedding planning is over like no bitch I love everything about planning… I live for a fucking plan