when composing an email, spiritually I’m wearing a bob

I know a caesar salad hate to see me coming.

twisters is a 10 outta 10 movie for hooting n hollering. gasps galore. had my arms up at screen to catch the debris. glen powell has chemistry with everyone, including the storms. makes you wish oklahoma was real.

I hope they got married

You're not demure, you're from Philadelphia.

weddings should have a worst man

Hey stupid I’ll see you in court… the food court!! We are friends

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they're having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

close enough, welcome back Jesus Christ

How can you not be romantic about baseball? #RedOctober

Since the Phillies aren't using their bats to hit the ball can they use them to beat me to death instead?

OH THEYRE INSANE

Cheating on New Jersey Michael’s for some of that freaky shit they got going on at James Johnathan’s

“The commanders really have to contain Saquon Barkley” Saquon on the first play of the game:

Hang it in the Art Museum

LOVE Park got a little makeover (ig/al.mill.made.it)

Not even remotely my problem

athlete: so if triathlon is running, biking and swimming, that must mean biathlon is running and biking? coach: [taking out skis and a gun] haha yeah you’d think so