I’m a special breed of nepo-baby where all 4 of my blood uncles won’t stop begging me to cover their shifts

Hmm that’s a beautiful treble clef tattoo you have there. *lifts shirt revealing gun tucked in waistband* Now, tell me, what genre of music makes you feel at home?

There’s a guy at my gym who puts Barney on the tiny treadmill TV and then doesn’t even run. He just grips the heart rate sensors and it reads 220bpm

About to recreate the myth of Narcissus with the puddle underneath this broken urinal

The email that changes everything

A package came for me

if you offer me weed just know i’ll decline. i don’t want your weak shit. I smoke top tier. the type of stuff that helped Danny Elfman astral project to Halloweentown and write Jack’s Lament

shit!! FUCK! just watched guardians of the galaxy with with my dad. He kept describing groot as nubile

😈😈😈

Run The Jewels listening sesh at mine anyone?

This Christmas all 7 of my uncles are over (each representing a different deadly sin). And my wrath uncle won’t stop playing footsies with my lust uncle 😂

Here's The Reason your Open Relationship is Failing

Satellites are amazing. They helped me figure out where all the Roman Catholic tricksters like to hang out.

I can’t believe i met someone at a party once, followed them, now i have to watch them be an independent artist for the rest of my life.

one for my lowriders