Dear Lindt Chocolate Still waiting on those seasonal Egg Nog truffles. Sincerely Me

Dear Christmas Music Singers, This is your annual reminder that you should only sing the high note in O Holy Night ONCE. That’s once. One time. If you sing it twice, you aren’t praising the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You are praising your own ego.

Remember to add crushed up candy cane topping to your Christmas cookies! You know, so you can shred your mouth and esophagus on shards of disgusting cheap candy.

I’m a poet and I don’t even realize that I am one. 🤔

Someone should tell Charmin that the bears are creepy and making us all buy Angel Soft.

Pet peeve #27: when people misuse humbled. i.e. "I'm so humbled to be speaking here tonight!" ...no, you're HONORED. You'd be humbled if you weren't invited.

Anyone else suddenly decide to skip the Super Bowl?

To spice up your day, the next time your tea kettle whistles, scream “NAZGUULLLL!” and take cover.

I love when Star Wars fans argue about what’s canon or not. Bro - it’s all fake. All of it. “Believe” whatever story line you want.

Adult Disney Reflection #1: King Triton is 100% correct, even if he overreacts. Ariel: I’m 16, I can change species because I saw a cute boy on a boat! Triton: Yeah, no. Go to your room. And put a shirt on.

And here’s why I rarely trust movie critics: Gladiator II was awesome.

Adult Disney Reflection #2: Aladdin isn’t any diamond in the rough. Aladdin: Sure, I’ll set you free! After I’ve gotten what I want from you, SLAVE. 🤔

Jack’s recipe for “Surprise Iced Tea!” 1. Brew a pot of hot tea. 2. Forget that you brewed said pot of tea. 3. Discover it hours later, now luke warm. 4. Serve over ice and enjoy! Follow me for more recipes.

I knew a great elderly Italian chef. Sadly, he pasta way.

Spectrum AI Assistant: Let me check your equipment… Me: Excuse me, madame, but we barely know each other!

Like all of you, I am utterly stunned and heartbroken and sick to my soul today. It is unimaginable to write these words. I met Charlie Kirk when he was 18 years old, a young man so eager and determined that I immediately turned to a friend and said, “That kid is going to be the

Please join me in a prayer for Charlie Kirk: Lord Jesus Christ, please bless the soul of Charlie Kirk. Please forgive his sins and accept him lovingly into your arms in Heaven. Amen.

To those celebrating his death: you have embraced all the things you claim to hate. Your hatred has consumed you. And it’s backfiring. Your hatred is the reason Donald Trump is president. It’s the reason young people and families are flocking to the church and traditional values.

If you think it’s ok for someone to be shot and killed if they disagree with you, you don’t possess an ideology - an ideology possesses you.

When Erika Kirk spoke the words on the man who killed her husband: “That man… that young man… I forgive him.”  That moment deeply affected me.  I have struggled for over 60 years to forgive the man who killed my Dad. I will say those words now as I type: “ I forgive the man who