i hate it when the boys at work assume that just because im taking scissors into the bathroom im going to cut my dick off. accidents do happen though

oh no please stop pissing on my mustache and cumming in it… said nobody ever

a tip for you youngsters out there - going out on new years is gay and dangerous. its better to stay home, twist off a few loads into the toilet then shoot your penis off with a gun. dont worry it will grow back at midnight albeit smaller and wetter

the conveyor belt at the dick sucking factory broke today and i was stuck blowing some losers hose for like 2 hours before it got running again

Check this shit out on YouTube if you get the chance

my stepdad grows meat in his basement, im actually serious too. gorgeous life in rows of tubs

is "AA is bad" actually something that we're doing now

Honestly I fucking hate when grandpa comes to our pot lucks. He never brings anything except his bad attitude, and he always sucks someone's cock

chatgpt give me a flirty list of 50 nearly mess-free foods Hey sexy, sometimes after a long and hard day you need a little snack with little preparation and no cleanup (or maybe a little 😉). Here's a list of 50 nearly mess-free foods

ever since 2020 those zoo chimpanzees stopped using frog mouths to nut. i really think that's a defining characteristic of the 2010s

it’s genuinely hard for me to wrap my head around the argument that “we need kids to have phones in school in case they’re murdered in a school shooting and their parents would have liked a last voicemail from them”

I love when people tweet like this. The replies always act like they’ve been thinking this for ages too and aren’t just jumping on a mutual’s middling take

griffin🎃 The concept of making sure people know that a film from 50 years ago that can’t be streamed anywhere and that the director was killed for making is triggering

whenever i smell my dog's feces i get so fucking hungry for whatever it is he's been eating

Is there some shit that's like Raising Canes but for centipedes

yeah eggs are real dude. a fuckin dragon ball capsule of food that comes from that specific animal. okay dude. nice worldbuilding

I THINK, HITLER,GOEBBELS,GORING,HIMMLER,& HESS ARE LIVING IN ICLOUD….