You ever just wake up in another realm with powers that could rival that of the gods and so you become that realms lord and master to amass an army of subjects to bring back into your realm and defeat Gondu the Unbreakable to bring the 5 elements back to your land of poverty?

Will you heal my weak bones? Stampy 💋

If anyone has any old Ty Beanie Babies they no longer want, I will give them a good home. Please send them my way.

Me when I need help finding something at Home Depot, and I spot a customer wearing orange clothes

Fun fact, I'm deathly terrified of larger than average bugs, so if I see one in my house, I put on this mask, because it makes me feel strong, and then I kill the shit out of it

Everyone is complaining about inequality in the world and people fight about it all the time. Bro. My cult takes in everyone and anyone so please. Join us

Happy Tuesday

Aggressively eating carrots

If anyone ever consumes my flesh. Please dip it in soy sauce.

I MADE EGGS AND BACON FOR DINNER SHIRTLESS AND BACON GREASE SHOT ON MY BARE NIPPLE GOD IS REAL AND HE HATES US

God is fake

Shower Food Review 56: Chicago Deep-dish Pizza- Went on a date yesterday. She asked what I do in my free time so I showed her this. She looked at it for a few seconds in silence & changed the subject. The night ended early. Rejection is a tool we use to calibrate our hearts. 8/10

New Queens of the Stone Age song drops tomorrow. I have been so pumped that I have shit four times already today.

My dream gf - nice

Shower Food Review 60: Outback Bloomin Onion: This food is killing me. Before I ate healthier but now I have to eat things like entire fried onions. I crawled into a ball after this & tried to remember a time where I wasn't in pain. It was fun to try Australian food though. 5/10

That moment when you buy a book with every single Edgar Allen Poe story in it.. I’m so hyped to read it!!!

Do you ever just sit and look at everything about your life and wonder where the fuck you are going with it?