Smash My Arse Like A Teletext Reveal Button It's 5:00AM

Your Mum Made Your Mask From The Crotch Of A Perverts Underpants It's 6:00AM

I See London I See France I Can See Your Shat Underpants It's 7:00AM

Wank Off A Cat It's 8:00AM

I Saw Your Dad In Readers Wives, Wearing Your Mum's Nighty It's 9:00AM

Program A Robot To Fellate A Liberal Democrat Mp It's 10:00AM

There Are Humans Who Are Sexually Attracted To Matt Hancock, Michael Gove, And Boris Johnson. What The Actual Fucking Fuck. It's 11:00AM

Robbie Williams Can Fuck Off, The Cunt It's 12:00PM

Boris Johnson Shooting His Muck Over Your Missus While Shouting Random Shit In Latin It's 1:00PM

Polish Your Python It's 2:00PM

Spatter My Lordless Mother With Your Rotten Jizz It's 3:00PM

Wank Yourself Off With Grandad's Rigor Mortis Hand. It's 4:00PM

Now! That's What I Call Syphilis! Volume 13 It's 5:00PM

Fuck Me It Might Not Be Friday It's A Pint Of Chris Evans' Bloody Piss It's 6:00PM

Realising Your Dad Has Probably Tried To Fuck Your Mum Up The Arse It's 7:00PM

Toss Off Ant But Leave Dec Hanging It's 3:00AM

Vomit Up An Owl Pellet At The Feet Of Chris Packham In The Hope He'll Give You A Handjob Later. It's 4:00AM

God Shitting Dammit It's 5:00AM

Leopard Fanny Batter It's 6:00AM

Piss On A Shit It's 7:00AM