I'm Just A Man Standing In Front Of A Woman Thinking About What Her Bumhole Looks Like It's 8:00AM

Oh Fuck Off You Fat Wanker It's 7:00AM

Email Everyone In Redbridge And Tell Them That They're A Cunt It's 6:00AM

Well Done! You Finally Saw Some Real Tits! On An Actual Real Person! It's 5:00AM

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because He Was A Nonce It's 4:00AM

Challenge Justin Bieber To A 'Turgid Meat-Horn Size Knockout' It's 3:00AM

Sustainable Energy? Sustainable Fucking Cock More Like. It's 2:00AM

Shit Out Your Wedding Ring It's 1:00AM

Abuse My Marmite Motorway With A Pair Of Y-Fronts It's 12:00AM

Raw Dog Me Till I Bark Like A Massive Fucking Chihuahua It's 11:00PM

Create Your Own Jurassic Park Then Do Butt Stuff To A T-Rex It's 10:00PM

Big Tarantula's Shame Place It's 9:00PM

Brexit Twats Crying Because We're An Hour Closer To Rejoining The EU, It's 8:00PM

Nationalise Dildos It's 7:00PM

Stick Preston Up Geri Halliwell's Arse It's 6:00PM

Pac-Man Watches On Sadly At Ms Pac-Man Getting Spit Roasted By Frogger And Galaxian It's 5:00PM

White Chocolate Is Made From Jizz It's 4:00PM

On The Third Beep, The Time Sponsored By My Ass-Pounding Norks Will Be 3:00PM Precisely

Put Your Hand In Rees-Mogg's Soggy Biscuit Tin And Pull Out His Custard Cream It's 2:00PM

Now On Jackaporny, Marquis De Sade Reading Justine Frischmsann It's 1:00PM