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My mate says he's going to a fancy dress party as an 80s pop star. I told him not to…but he's adamant…

Just got a craving for banana on toast for the 1st time in 40 odd years…think I might be pregnant 😊

Today is National Heimlich Manoeuvre Day. My mate's not invited me to his celebratory buffet…I hope he chokes on it…

It was really late when the guy who invented chess came up with his idea for the horsey piece. He was absolutely knackered, so he decided he was calling it a night…

🎶And then she smiles…🎶 😊 open.spotify.com/track/0b6Z669g…

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙😱❄️❄️

Summer in Scotland. 2 more Munros. Ben Vorlich & Stuc a'Chroin. Sun. Snow. Best of all…mountain goats 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🌞❄️🐐🐐🐐💙

Ben Vorlich & Stuc a'Chroin spam 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💙

You're right…he's not…

Today is National Hug Your Cat Day. I can't have a cat…I'm clawstrophobic.

Apparently, today is Hot Air Balloon Day…what basket case came up with that one?

Arguably the 2 most repulsive, self-serving, lying, money grabbing arseholes on the face of the Earth have spat the dummy with one another…hopefully, they'll both wipe one another out by the end of it and the world will be slightly better place…

Sharing my lunch with 2 new pals 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛😊

Trump in the Epstein files? No shit, Sherlock 🙄

My mate told me botox was THE BEST thing that had ever happened to him…I can't believe he said that with a straight face…

That must mean the man who chose to put him into that situation isn't very good at his job, mustn't it? 🤔

Kelvingrove Art Gallery. The Beatles made from plasticine 😲👌

I don't know why but I reckon my new girlfriend might make me regress into my obsession with Erasure…It's not the way she leads me by the hand into the bedroom. It's not the way she throws her clothes upon the bathroom floor…

On National Ballpoint Pen, we should remember its inventor, László Bíró. Not just for the pen but for coming up with the phrase "where there's a quill, there's a way."

Share a selfie of you outdoors…