If we defeated the British how come I still have to look at them?

Face ID on iphones kinda sweet if you think about it. you remember me ?

Let’s kiss under the Chinese spy balloon infested sky

When I was 13 I shaved my head in solidarity with all the brave children I gave lice to.

Not to brag but I got catcalled a few years ago.

Married people with the same last name gross me out. What are you cousins?

Just got my period. It’s a boy 🎉

I think Girl Scouts should also be Mormons to save time

Just got my blood checked. It’s still there.

Farting is foreplay to pooping

Just got off the the phone with the suicide hotline. Didn’t cum once 0/10 no stars

Suicide hotlines should also sell me car insurance to save time

How does my body decide which egg to get rid of each month? Is it the hunger games and they fight to the death? In that case I won’t have a baby until right before menopause. Strongest baby.

Tryna find someone who shows up for me as much as my chronic UTIs

Kids getting the idea that they’re autistic off of Tiktok, but I’m like - at least they’re not getting it off the streets.

Portland come see not rachel wolfson 🐺 Piss Girl @amymiller Jordan Casner Shain Brendan at The Get Down wl.seetickets.us/event/Lance-Ba…

Sacramento come see Grace Freud do an opening set at my live special taping this Saturday at the Geery theater! The venue is “almost full” according to event bright so don’t miss out!! Tickets are at rubysetnik.com or at the link in bio! Lance Bangs 👀