Imagine running for your life and this is the fastest you can go

It had to be said.

americans “slipping” into poverty

“i’m SO pro life i’m willing to murder real human beings”

Sounds like something a guy in Maine would say to prove he’s not racist

Crazy to think early humans walked around naked. Bare ass sitting on sand and dirt. Penis flopping on ant hills and shit. Fucking idiots should’ve just bought some clothes

they're defunding the maine police and replacing them with a far more reliable alternative (lobster with knife)

A family can just be you and a MoonPie sitting on a plate in a dark room

Just checked the Santa Tracker. He’s at her house. Right now. Fuck my life man. 💔

this seems like a totally normal response to *checks notes* some tape

A weird dig at FDR

Bank account: $1400 Me at Legal Sea Foods: Please show me the illegal sea food

Ate half my sandwich prolly save the other half for later

When I got the vaccine they asked me how I was feeling and I said I feel kind of updog and they put the syringe back in and took the vaccine out of me

Maine lawmakers want to cancel the milf mobile

the hbo max app is designed like they're mad at you for using it

Saving up my points for the big prize. 🍔

Feeling sexual at the junk yard