- Who are you, and how did you get in here? - I'm a locksmith. And I'm a locksmith. #PoliceSquad #locksmith

If there exists a more distilled example of pure comedy writing, I’m yet to see it. Just 7 words is enough to build your own back story! @gralefrit Jason Hazeley - who actually wrote this?

Great night seeing @brian_bilston at Lowther Pavilion tonight. Even better to see a couple of Tories change from wildly applauding every poem to sitting stony-faced through If and Refugees before leaving at the interval! BRAVO! So sad that they missed HMHWWJOTC in the 2nd half!

Also, not sure if @brian_bilston is aware, but "Refugees" was used in my son's Year 7 English lessons last year (@lythamhigh). 11 years old and he was in awe that a poem could have polar opposites depending on which way you read it.

It’s been a while since I did a #NotBeerBods. Another belter from @NMBCo tastes stronger than it is! Could drink this all night

Hells bells! That was something else #BarneyLittler

In 2024, speed of service remains our top priority to support our customers, helped by our move to ‘digital by default’. Did you know over 90% of applications are now received digitally? Find out more: hmlandregistry.blog.gov.uk/2023/07/28/imp…

Absolute genius writing. Just the right amount of lay-up, a brief but fully constructed intro, audience can do nothing but comply and invest, then BAM! PUNCHLINE! 100% efficient comedy! Well bloody played.

Incident: We currently have six fire engines in attendance at an incident on Boundary Road, Lytham St Annes. Please avoid the area. lancsfirerescue.org.uk/commercial-bui…

Caught in three minds as to where in the crowd he was going to smash it... bowler finds just a touch of turn outside 9th stump.. TINK went the leg stump! Marvellous stuff!

After 2 spells and nearly 1100 games at a win rate of 40% over 20 seasons as manager this is how it ends? Absolute tinpot Holt autocracy. I'm not even an #asfc fan but this is absolute shithousery of the highest order.

So, after 18 games, me and my old fella have won the Blackpool Dominoes League Doubles trophy. P16 W13 L3. UP THE MCD’S Together Everyone Achieves More Nigel Adkins

Congratulations to Katherine Brunt and Natalie Sciver-Brunt !! 🍼

I know it’s only the Car Dealer’s Cup but FFS, we are terrible in the final third. Davison and Saunders have to be the worst striking partnership I’ve seen paired. #SWA

Please for the love of God Tranmere Rovers FC. This is what the majority of us want to see this evening...

crowdfunder.co.uk/p/nets-refurbi… If anyone could spare a few bob to help with our nets, that would be smashing thanks!

I know it's late, but Happy Cucumelon Sour Day to those who celebrate! It's been 5 years since this beer divided the BeerBods patrons! Top work by Fergus Adnams Southwold still no word of it being available on PerfectDraft UK !!