We're sorry to bother you at a time like this, Mrs Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.
#PoliceSquad

Dr Zubatsky will see you now
#PoliceSquad

Now let me show you what happens when the gun is fired from three feet, which is the distance Sally claimed the shots were fired from.
Notice? Complete destruction. Right up to the point where she asked Katherine Hepburn what kind of tree she'd like to be.
#PoliceSquad

Watch as I test fire this gun into these videotapes of Barbara Walters interviews. As you can see it completely destroys the Burt Reynolds interview & everything from Bo Derek to Paul Newman. But only up to the point where Barbara asks him, 'Is it difficult to love?'
#PoliceSquad

- Do you know where Eddie is right now?
- You might try the Club Flamingo. He hangs out there with some chorus girl, a floozy named Mimi Du Jour.
- Du Jour. She French?
- That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee.
- Coffee?
- No, thank you.
#PoliceSquad

About 10 o'clock, Sally Decker dictated a formal statement
#PoliceSquad

- You're under arrest. For reproducing the accounts, pictures or descriptions of a MLB game without the express written consent of the commissioner.
- Okay, so I taped the game. I had a few friends over, but I didn't charge them. All right, a couple of bucks a head. #PoliceSquad

It looks like the butler Thames will be doing his serving from now on up in the Statesville prison. Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker.
#PoliceSquad

Here's the names of five southpaws with career ERA's under 2.93.
And you wouldn't have been in this mess if you hadn't given up Tommy John
#PoliceSquad #WordOnTheStreet

It looks like Lana'll be doing her bombing up in the Stateville Prison from now on. Up there along with Sally Decker and Martin and Gunderson.
#PoliceSquad

- Is this some kind of bust?
- Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions
#PoliceSquad

Why don't you run along now, Billy. Next week don't forget to bring in those magazines you found under your father's bed.
#PoliceSquad #TheLab

- Something I can do for you?
- Ox smith?
- No, no, no, no, locksmith! Locksmith!
#PoliceSquad

- Weeks?
- Sol Weeks. He's the controller, Frank
#PoliceSquad

- Oh, Howie couldn't have done it. He hasn't been in for weeks.
#PoliceSquad

- You've been very helpful. We think we know how he did it.
#PoliceSquad

- Okay, all right, that'll be all for now, Miss Decker. Now, we'll need you to make a formal statement down at the station.
- Of course
#PoliceSquad

- Okay. Wunce is the owner of the tyre company and he fired Twice. Then, Twice shot the teller once.
- Twice.
- And Jim fell and then you fired twice.
- Once.
#PoliceSquad

- Who fired Twice?
- Wunce.
- He's the owner of the tyre company, Frank.
#PoliceSquad

- No, I shot Twice after Jim fell.
- You shot Twice and Jim Fell?
- No, Jim fell first, and then I shot Twice once.
#PoliceSquad