corona got the club empty asf me and the DJ just chillin listening to frank ocean with the strobe lights goin rn

Retweet if you want a season 2

Treat yourself like I-35 and never stop working on yourself... no matter how inconvenient it is for anyone else

Her: I actually think Ratatouille is a boring movie Me *shakes head at waiter bringing the engagement ring*

And then when all hope is lost, who comes down the mountain but the grinch himself

✨close ur tabs. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find ur way back✨

Don't just be proactive about the jobs you want. Be proactive about the jobs you DON'T want too 👍

i dont think my boyfriend, the 12-foot Halloween Skeleton from Home Depot, would be too pleased to hear about this

Mark Ruffalo sounds like the name a dog would give if he was pretending to be a man.

chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing

“look who decided to come out of their room!”

I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.

Our father, who art in heaven, baja be thy blast

Nature is so beautiful if you stop for a second and really appreciate it...

[porn director pulls me aside] you gotta quit saying "golly"