Much harder to make friends than enemies. My skill at the latter is improving.

Comedians are killing comedy.

i wrote no on a piece of paper and stuck in a strangers mailbox its like voting but someone will notice

Thanks Elon, but I’d prefer to receive my blue check the old fashioned way: Getting an entry level job at a media company writing blogs about how candy is racist and having 432 followers.

Replying "King shit" whenever one of my bois makes the worst possible decision.

If you save a penny every day for one year you will have $3.65 at the end of the year Follow me for more financial tips

Having curly hair feels like a white elephant gift from the universe

🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏

Comedians are the only ones not on strike. We’re also the only ones who will still work for $10.

This nigga really named it X.

me at 8: wrestling is fake now: oh shit i guess everything is

Ozempic Resistant Super Doritos. That's how this ends.

want to raise children but dont trust family court? play it safe, only date junkies!

"oh you like making dark jokes huh, why dont you try and write a joke about orphans" there is nothing funny about orphans if orphans were funny they would still have parents

(smugly removing my glasses) im sorry, dont you mean girlnecology

breaking bad is hard to watch disturbing in 2008 a 40k salary could mean a stay at home wife a house a kid and a pool

i keep hearing schizophrenia medication ads and wondering why are they targeting me with those unless of course they are not real in which case i should find medication