remember ladies, you never have to feel bad about guys buying you drinks!! there’s a wage gap they can afford it!!

My hometown had a city council meeting about changing the city flag and it turned into an episode of Parks and Rec

It’s a sign we were freshly 18 and fuckin broke

I hate working and I also hate going to school. I just really hate doing stuff.

I bought a Peloton bike and I am here to confirm the rumors. You are absolutely legally obligated to bring it into every conversation.

How Ukraine in the World Cup I thought they was busy

YOU AND ME GOIN FISHIN IN THE DARK

hc ruined me I’m supposed to just stand around at this gig? Not do anything? Just hang out?

double meat at chipotle is free this week you just need to bring a gun

Hey Ask Spectrum how come you prioritize new build neighborhoods over existing ones? Knocking out our internet multiple times a week to expand your network sucks.

Waiting on a man who will bark at me like DMX

When he says he’ll take me to Harbor Freight

Me: capitalism bad Buzzfeed: 50 Items to Solve Oddly Specific Problems Me: well shit I better read this

Good bye mon ami. I love you. #TheBelz

I’m at a wedding and needed to adjust my stick-on bra Someone’s grandma opened the stall without knocking I flashed her with both yiddies send help

Thinking about Suzuki Samurais

Telling my history class that this was Drake