Part of my job is online order fulfillment and there is literally not a day that goes by that I don't think about "you printed the label or it's on them people truck"

If I was God I would SMITE the soft, pathetic, vulnerable, wet-eyed she-freak I saw staring back at me in the Walmart fitting room mirror just now

I’ve never understood why some parents expect you to let their kid cut you in the bathroom line “but my daughter really has to go” bitch this chick is 7 years old if she pees her pants literally no one will care if I pee my pants I’m getting sent to rehab

It's hard to calculate a tip at my hair salon because they charge you extra to blow dry it which seems a little unnecessary to me so I never know if the cut came out good or not until it dries on its own in my house hours later

There was a significant length of time where I thought Law Roach wrote Bulletproof

My two cents about edtwt are that you girls are hurting yourselves and one another but please if you don't eat enough at the very least you need to be taking a multivitamin, a fish oil, a probiotic, and a fiber supplement. There's no calories in it ok it'll just help you not die

had this friend They ripped out her IUD for the copper . cant have shit in Oakland

I hope all the little sperms I swallow go to heaven

Fyr som runker til JOI-porno fordi han oppriktig har glemt hvordan man gjør det

When you been looking high and low for something and then you actually find it

Customer wearing a shirt that said "Spread Kindness" ignored me completely when I said "Hi! Welcome in, how can we help you today?"

It lowkey feels like slutshaming when I bring a tinder date to the bar and the bartender only cards him and just waves me off and says "I don't need yours" cause I've brought in 2 other tinder dates that week. I feel like they should have to tip me out

Went to work looking chopped today and one of the hot regulars came in

When a loved one says "you'll think this is weird but-" and you resolve to nonjudgmentally accept whatever they're about to say, and it works, you're like nooo that's not that weird. And then 2 days later the thing they revealed registers fully and you're like wait what the fuck

I have 3 sets of lobe piercings and I got the first 2 done at Claire's and the last ones done at an actual piercer and I gotta say the ones from Claire's did come out better so I've never really understood the hate

Laying in bed waiting for the monistat to stop burning

nothing hits harder than reading a 40 year old textbook on political science and the author is some kind of proto-woke who refers to hypothetical persons where the gender doesn't really matter with "she"

(Mistaking the movie Florida Project as my childhood memories) I did too know willem dafoe before he was famous. You have no fucking idea what it was like growing up in that motel

Wore a low waisted fit and flats to go on a date with a tall guy last week, just realized I probably looked like this

Do they have some sort of medal of honor or equivalent for girls who stayed at work and finished their whole entire shift even though it was super boring and they like REALLY wanted to go home and play with their clitttttttt