You know you've 'made it' on social media when you start adding wearied caveats pre-empting tiresome responses to your carefully-crafted posts, demonstrating that you regard most of your hard-earned audience with considerable contempt.

It really pisses me off that the great Tori Amos is generally only remembered in the UK for Cornflake Girl and that excruciatingly shit remix of Professional Widow. She's a songwriting genius who deserves respect.

More podcasts should be released on a Sunday.

A 3 bed house should have 1 large bedroom and then 2 smaller equally sized room. One child always ends up in a box room which is completely unfair.

I'm the parent who is playing with his kid in the park & having so much fun your kid comes over & tries to play. It's awkward AF when your kid climbs on me. Get off your phone stop chatting & play with your kid. I'm just as tired but they won't be this young forever

The Duke of Edinburgh award is just a way of keeping affluent teenagers tired and anxious.

Botox doesn't make you look younger, it just makes you look like you've had Botox

Group photos should be illegal. They are too awkward. Where do my hands go? Do I face forwards, sideways, kneel in front, or go to the back? Do I smile or look excited? Do I show teeth or lips? When can I blink? Why do my cheeks hurt? Do we have to say cheese?

Irrespective of their actual genders, dogs are always boys, cats are always girls.

Why does everyone in the Star Trek universe go to Risa for their holidays? Place is just one massive Butlins and its shit. Full of fucking tourists packed in like sardines. Sunloungers and package deals. Ugh. Give me one of those forest planets with lakes and no humanoids.

I don't care if he's Bruce Springsteen, if someone sang to me 'you ain't a beauty but hey you're alright', they'd be getting binned.

Drinks companies should sell decarbonated versions of their products and save me the trouble of getting rid of the gas. Flat Tango is much better than fizzy.

No band has ever, will ever, or can ever, look better than Patricia Morrison era Sisters Of Mercy.

The greatest musical ever is South Park : Bigger, Longer and Uncut. The songs are just incredible

If you take away the make up and costumes, underneath it all Boy George has an incredible and underrated singing voice.

Selling Star Wars to Disney was an absolutely genius move by George Lucas. Not only did he get an insane amount of money, but he also got the rabid fans off his back and, now that we've seen how much lower things could sink, dramatically improved his reputation

The Smoking Room is an unfairly forgotten 00s sitcom. Workplace archetypes you recognise, laugh out loud funny, and a lot of heart. Every episode is a gem.

The new KitKat wrappers are awful. They don't peel open neatly and it's awkward to wrangle a single finger out. I feel nostalgic for the old wrappers with the silver foil and paper where you could practise your embossing with your chocolate and foil

Rowan Atkinson's portrayal of Mr. Bean was undoubtedly genius of the highest order but the greatest decision was to produce only slightly too much of it. Another movie and the legend would have stopped dead, any less and people would be constantly baying for more.

Ricky Gervais is clever and can be funny, but lacks empathy. He's right to say you can joke about anything but the thing he forgets is that there's a time and place.