I'm still calling it the Gulf of Mexico like I'm still calling this Twitter

By the size of the queso cups, it’s safe to say Chipotle has wayyyyy too much confidence in the flavor of their chips.

Hardcore is lame because it’s always some weird trying to cool guy.

Had she lived, no one would have ever believed her and treated her as the abuser. The only proof people will accept of your abuse is your dead body.

“your 20s are for—“ enough my 20s are for rediscovering all of my interests from 6th grade and realizing that actually 12 year old me was kinda onto something

If I had killed someone, my parents would personally drag my ass to jail. This Gabby Petito documentary is pissing me off. Why aren’t the parents in prison?!

I don’t pretend to know everything about God or why they do what they do, but I do have some questions. Like, why did he make Candace Cameron? Was it another punishment, like the flood or the plagues? Is she the 8th plague?

If I ever “unalived” myself, I’d leave a suicide note saying “You know who made me do this” so I could confuse people and cause chaos from beyond.

Make it happen. Do it. I dare you.

Bill Burr is gonna end up accidentally leading the revolution, and complain about it the whole time

#FireTheGMJerry 🪧

We did not authorize or condone the White House’s use of our song “Closing Time" in any way. And no, they didn’t ask. The song is about joy and possibilities and hope, and they have missed the point entirely.

I think some of you are really mean on the internet because you don’t have enough friends to make a groupchat where you can talk shit about people privately. which is fine but also don’t make that my problem you know

People are actually still on Twitter?!

You ever sit in an uber and think to yourself “I don’t think this guy likes me very much” Or am I just insecure.

Why do y’all blame the women for porn rather than the industry or the men who consume it lmfao ?

Yeah, we know.

This new Parker McCollum album sounds like an artist who’s more focused on being genuine and having longevity instead of chasing hits and I love it.

Virgin complaints