This Fourth of July, remember those who fought for your rights... “Last Fourth of July, Roman candle, back of the head.” -Amanda Lemmon

the only difference between Country and Pop Punk is the relationship with their hometown

If I see you’re typing on slack just know I am not breathing

For what it’s worth, 90% of my really embarrassing memories that keep me up at night are from before my frontal lobe was developed…

All Taco Bell employees go to heaven.

Naked and Afraid: I wore a jumpsuit to work and now I have to go to the bathroom.

I asked Chat GPT to rewrite the monster mash song in the style of Pitbull. Did not disappoint.

when I say “I got the dog in me” this is what I mean

Vanroy PARDON!?

SPEAK NOW THIS WEEK

And she said tweet now (Maddie’s version) #MyTwitterAnniversary

Usually if a group of writers and actors are united against you that means you are the antagonist of a Muppet movie

everyone knows the real girl dinner is a whole jar of olives

FYI there is no post credit scene in Barbie.

Got the perfect fit for seeing Oppenheimer tonight.

Cillian Murphy was great as J. Robert Oppenheimer

The feedback: It’s a good start The copywriter:

Fully accepting that Ryan Gosling might be my top artist on Spotify this year.