10/10 recommend pressing pause on your normal life to go make wine in Greece just for the hell of it.

for the love of all that is good and holy, please stop overthinking your life!!!

I was promised my thirties would be flirty and thriving, but instead, they've been more like feral and surviving.

Boyfriend Butter Sex Not upset by this in the slightest.

A Christmas tree pop-up hates to see me coming...

Hot

Rich because I finally saw with my own eyes that, against all odds, I’ve created the life I used to dream about. All it took was... Become a teen mom. Raise a kid to adulthood on my own. Get fired from my dream job. Lose all my money (three times). Start a business from scratch.

When I say I'd love a good morning text from you, this is what I mean btw:

What many men fail to understand is that understanding this is the turn on.

I’m going to hold your hand while I say this… it’s espresso, not expresso.

If you or someone you know was triggered by the halftime show, you are suffering with a chronic lack of rhythm. I’m sorry to have to tell you that there is no cure and you have never truly lived.

Having a Valentine is cute and all, but the sexual tension between me and the unfolded laundry that’s been sitting on my bed for three days is unbearable.

When I blew up my life to do a career pivot and needed to drastically reduce my expenses, I cut out all streaming and subscription services, as they were not a necessity. I found Tubi as a Netflix alternative and actually really loved it. They have a surprising number of deep

Steve Carell really went from the tuna salad in the break room guy to someone I'd let ruin my credit score.

38 years on this planet has taught me that the solution to almost every problem is a crispy Diet Coke.

My life motto.

In the last few years, the biggest life changes I’ve made all started with a small action on a curiosity. A sketch comedy writing class → led me to leave my corporate career, quitting my business and pursuing a more creative-focused life An in-depth wine tasting → led to

People who enjoy dirty martinis, who hurt you?