Having a four year old nephew with diabetes means Aunt Dani is buying a truckload of other fun Halloween themed items that WONT kill is blood sugar

I got new frame toppers today and my nephew said they were so cool because he likes dinosaurs and honestly, that’s the only approval I need.

Sorry, can’t. Got a new electric kettle to break in. (The other one stopped triggering off and spouted steam from the handle resulting in lots of burnt phalanges)

The way people will look down on me because of the job I do but in the same breath go “So I do I have to pick two from the pick two section for it to be in there?” is why I have trust issues. I mean rage issues. It’s why I have rage issues. Honestly it’s both.

Idk man. I got this weird headache right now…

Look. I can explain…. They smell really good. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The fact that no one has gifted me any Reese’s Pumpkins yet is the greatest offense I’ve ever known

Get you a best friend like mine, yall. Just not actually mine. Cuz she’s mine and I’ll fight you ValPancakes🥞

Guest: “I just want something easy. The flatbread?” Me, chuckling: “If you’re looking for easy, that ain’t it.” G: “How about French toast?” Sir, clearly your definition of easy and mine are two very different things so how about you just tell me what you want.

Look. I am a doesn’t even think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving kind of girl, but there’s just some things you can’t walk away from…

Coworker: What’s going on? These people are weird today. Me: It’s the fog. Or the fact that it’s Halloween. They’re probably secretly werewolves that have no idea how to be human.

Best friend text of the night ValPancakes🥞

Halloween at work… And then off for Halloween at home.

Hello and welcome to Dani’s Assortment of Random Shit, brought to you by the Halloween Sale aisle and just who I am as a person.

I’m 99% sure I have food poisoning right now so if you don’t hear from me, I’ve died. Probably on a toilet.

“Do yall have mimosas?” Ma’am, if we served mimosas I would not be standing right now cuz yall have taken every ounce of everything I have this week.

“Is your food real?” No. I fashioned it out of old Lincoln Logs, toenails and my crushed soul. WTF do you mean?!?!

Ah yes, the cooling weather fun of having to move every item in your living room because there’s definitely a dead mouse somewhere. Side note: my back hurts

It’s been a weeeeeeek, man. But I think we pulled it together ok.

Definitely get yourself a Donnie Peppercricket. He’s the best. Even before the month supply of muddy buddies.