The perils of a middle class dinner party - "if you don't have a soft close toilet seat, it's a nightmare!!!!!!"

Remember, if you're thinking about killing yourself. Tonight's as good a night as any.

Nasri missed his headbutt. Sum's his form up at the minute...

Show people who's boss by pointing to your boss and saying 'That's the boss over there', then continue with your menial work. #motivatweet

Bon voyage 2012 dans le coin le plus eloigne da ma memoire.

Tri-Life is live! tri-life.org.uk Help Speed The Cure for Cancer!

Why would we spend taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a 1-man starship? OFA.BO/yfxWt3

Happy birthday me

Happy bithday me

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Check out the web gallery from the L2P bike ride. @Alex_harrington Will Ironic Plaything #speedthecure picasaweb.google.com/10105623025736…

Wimbledon Ladies Final #notathletes have you seen Bartoli?

Retweet if you know someone called Andrew or Andy.

Murray wins - Berkshire's Women's Institutes in raptures #sportforthosewhodontlikesport

Is lighter gas and Super T on the lunch menu too? Light lunch in Ealing

This is what awaits. Wales!

Didn't realise Winston Churchill was a #spurs fan (or that he was still alive). #COYS

@MattCoppins Central Line It's not their fault. Appears as those there is an emergency at shep bush. #tryingtodotheirjobs

@MattCoppins stuck in this mess like you. Like the saint central line bit. Might become a new handle.