If we have #icebergs then we should also have steambergs.

If you ever see the #GravyTrain, rest assured that it will be closely followed by the mashed potato train.

I am always reassured when someone says they are "age N, going on N+1" thereby ruling out #TIMETRAVEL.

It is not illegal if there's no law against it.

Thoughts on #linens: Before #towels were invented, did people look around for the most #absorbent #woodland creature? One with an #agreeable countenance?

If you had one wish for any kind of ranch you wanted, a #qtip ranch should not be on the top of that list.

If you were a #shoe, let's face it, you wouldn't be reading this.

Yelling #bingo during a #colonoscopy is generally considered bad form.

Live every day not like its your last one but like its #WorldKidneyDay.

When #cowboys reach adulthood they really should be called #cowmen.

If a cloud has a lining other than more cloud material, that may be cause for concern.

#IfYouBuildIt, you may incur property tax.

If your name ends in "y" does it sometimes end in "i"?

When drying off after a shower, if I don't use the same sequence, it can be difficult to know what part to dry next.

The show Here & Now should more accurately be called "Potentially located nearby (but not exclusively) and occurring within a few hours of this broadcast or at some more distant past" but, arguably, does not roll off the tongue quite as easily.

Fortunately, many people end phrases with "going forward" which is reassuring since it immediately rules out time travel.

There was a time when people would just pick up the phone and call someone they wanted to talk to. Today, you are expected to text first to see if its ok to call.

When eating a sandwich with multiple ingredients, I take several smaller bites from adjacent areas to maximize component variety.

When a document has a page that says, "This page intentionally left blank." it is no longer blank. It should probably say, "This page intentionally useless."

"Don't you" and "don't chew" can sound very similar.