Hufflepuff: Gryffindor had a lot of ups and downs. May he rest in peace. Ravenclaw: He died? Hufflepuff: Not yet. Slytherin: He stole her coffee.

Gryffindor: Slytherin, you gotta treat a car like you treat a woman. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff: [glaring intently] Go on… Gryffindor: No, I sense I’ve made a mistake of some kind.

Interviewer to Hufflepuff: So what it's like to marry someone way, way, WAY out of your league? Slytherin, grabbing the mic: Amazing. I never thought I would ever be this happy.

Ravenclaw: There are many paths to the same place. Trust me. Hufflepuff: Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.

Ravenclaw: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night. Hufflepuff: All I drank was Redbull! Ravenclaw: How many? Hufflepuff: Eighteen.

Gryffindor: Last night I found out Ravenclaw is a sleep talker. Slytherin: Oh, really? Gryffindor: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Slytherin: I want someone to take me out Hufflepuff: Like on a date or with a sniper gun? Slytherin: Surprise me

Gryffindor and Slytherin: *fighting again* Ravenclaw: *reading and drinking tea* Hufflepuff like:

Ravenclaw, picing up the phone: who's this? Gryffindor: it's Gryffindor Ravenclaw: what did he do this time? Gryffindor: no, it's me Ravenclaw: what did you do this time?

Hufflepuff: what’s wrong with Gryffindor? He’s been laying on the ground for like 20 minutes now... Ravenclaw: I think he’s just a bit overwhelmed. Hufflepuff: why? Ravenclar: Slytherin giggled

Gryffindor: Wow, you were right. How come? Ravenclaw: I’m a busy person. I have no time to be wrong.

Slytherin: If you had to choose between Gryffindor and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Ravenclaw: That depends, how much money are we taking about? Gryffindor: Ravenclaw! Slytherin: 63 Knuts Ravenclaw: I'll take the money Gryffindor: RAVENCLAW!!!

Ravenclaw: Why are you on the floor? Slytherin: I'm depressed. Ravenclaw: .... Slytherin: Also I was stabbed, can you get Hufflepuff, please.

Hufflepuff: How's the sexiest person here~? Slytherin: I don't know, how are they~? Hufflepuff, flustered: I- Gryffindor, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Hufflepuff: Wait, did you just flirt with me? Gryffindor: well... I have been for the past several years, but thanks for noticing.

Slytherin: You need a hobby. Gryffindor: I have a hobby Ravenclaw: Staring creepily at Hufflepuff from afar isn’t a hobby.

Gryffindor: [does something stupid] Ravenclaw: .... Ravenclaw: .... Gryffindor: it’s cute how you think your disapproving glare still works on me after all the times i’ve seen it.

Gryffindor: Come on, Slytherin. Do something! Slytherin: I am. I’m ignoring you.