Tony: the floor is lava! Steve: *lays down* Tony: Steve we’ve talked about this...

Bucky: *smiles at Steve* Steve you belong in a museum Steve: aw is it because I’m a fossil?

Tony: so Rogers I created a new and improved suit for you Steve: can mine fly?! Tony: no it can’t fly Steve: but I wanna fly Tony: Steve you can barely walk in a straight line without tripping you aren’t flying Steve: *quietly* I wanna fly

Steve: Bucky...? Hydra: x.com/wakandafaketex…

Steve: If I was a bear, I’d be Captain Abearica

*Steve laying on the ground crying* Tony: what’s wrong with Rogers? Sam: he took a “Which Avenger is Your Soulmate” Quiz Tony: okay? and? Sam: he got Clint

*on Steve’s birthday* Bucky: Happy Birthday...Mr. President *smirks* Steve: my last name is Rogers, you should know that

Bruce: *drinking a slurpee* ah brain freeze! Steve: my brain and body were frozen for almost 70 years Banner, your brain can last five minutes.

Steve: my names Steve with a B and I’ve been afraid of insects my whole life Scott: Stop, Stop, where? Steve: hmmm? Scott: where the b? Steve: ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ’ˢ ᵃ ᵇᵉᵉ

*before signing the accords* Tony: seriously all you do is bitch Steve: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation

Sam: hey Steve? Steve: Bucky used to call me Steve... Sam: because it’s your fucking name

I’ve made it mom!!

*Anyone mentions something about Brooklyn ever* Steve: I think I know more about Brooklyn than you do genius

Steve: I put the bi in big ole idiot

Tony: hey Steve will you do this very daunting and dangerous task for me? Steve:

Steve: hey what’s gucci? Tony: okay who here gave grandpa a cellphone and internet access?

Steve: if I could be any country I’d be France Everyone: *looks at him* Steve: oh wait

Steve: so I have an announcement, I’ve decided that I’m going to change my birthday to today Tony: it’s 4th of July Steve: oh so you’re going to be a dick to me on my birthday?