Singles meetup day in the sock drawer. Very excited for the new couples.

Test-wearing some new shoes around the house before tomorrow's outdoor debut. Most exciting Friday night me and the missus have had in a while.

Not to be the baron of bad news, but apparently the expression is 'bearer of bad news.' I'd take the news a lot more seriously if it was coming from a baron. Just saying.

I used to be staunchly against throw pillows. Now I consider them a delightful and integral component of our bedroom decor. Am I losing at my relationship?

This weighted blanket we got is making me a much stronger blanket folder. I'm really starting to feel the gains.

My roommate leaves half-drank beverages all over our residence. Having seen Signs, I know not to make a fuss. Joaquin Phoenix might have to use them someday to save our household.

The perfect time to recline your airplane seat is during takeoff. Like "Woahhh. That's some serious acceleration. My seat couldn't even handle it. Oh well."

The older I get, the more I respect oatmeal raisin cookies.

Just found out "fax" is short for facsimile. The ancients were more clever than we give them credit for.

Always thought I had the perfect ears for wiggling. What a waste.

Went 0 for 3 at the shrimp toss at hibachi. Considering hanging up the chop sticks...

Not quite ready to book an appointment, but i'm pedicurious.

I envy people who can read in the car. Every time I try it, I get a headache and strange looks from other drivers.

My contestant introduction on Jeopardy would be that I normally mute this segment of the show.

Felt rather naughty asking for my salad undressed.

Despite my traditionalist tendencies and obvious masculinity, pink is far and away my favorite highlighter color.

Did a somersault in honor of the Olympics starting. Not my best. Will try again in 4 years. #Paris2024