man: if i throw a stick will u leave? wife: no but if u throw a credit card i go shopping for the day!

teenager: mom whats oral sex? mom: y do u want to know that?! teen: trying to explain to dad. any thoughts?

if i wanted a d@ck in uniform id put a camo condom on my dildo!

youd think after 17 years married and two kids my motherinlaw would get hes not divorcing me! hesmineb@tch!

Pregnant 17-year-old who stopped cancer treatment so she could have her baby boy dies 12 days after his birth #Retweet For Respect.

do hookers count as cheating? talk it over and get back to me

hey guys go to ur facebook and look up we day! for every like they give $ to help kids go to school!

purple rain

i need prince on my twitter! purple rain purple rain...

when ur hair is bigger than u are uve made it! ie prince, katt willams...

if prince got even a nickel every time i play his music hed still have a shit ton of cash!! yes most of my ringtones are his

my husband informed me i cant have anymore animals in this house! so i want to start a shelter in the back yard!

Retweet if your New Years sucks.

well somebody stole my wallet im broke so nothings in it and i gotta work tonight! 2012sgonnasuck!

If you are on God’s side, retweet this. If you’re on the Devil’s side, keep scrolling.

k there are supposed to be terrorists on twitter? what the hell they doing getting tips from achmed?