Aaaaaaand you’re mad at me

every so often someone at a work event will take a pic of me that is so deepling unflattering that it irreparably harms my self-esteem, but it’s not everyday that that unflattering pic is shared to 64,000+ people by one of my favorite magazines in the world

I love being a lobotomized slave

welcome to my playground kitten

hey man it was so great to meet you. sorry no i’m not looking for anything serious, i have deep issues beyond human comprehension im working through right now

Mr. Beast headed for bankruptcy

need a man to rub my giant fucked up unpainted monkey feet

veins popping out of my head turning purple in the face trying to stop myself from buying her

it’s always “your credit card is over the limit” this, “your payment is past due” that, and never a “how are you doing”

You think you're so funny and cool... Well you are I Love you

When you do really good at work and the manager dry humps u

ppl who go to thrift shops just to find stuff to resell are spiritual landlords

my homeboy to homegirl ratio is starting to skew too masculine. do any beautiful-souled women want to learn how to play in pokemon tournaments with me?

performative male? what do you mean, like a circus clown?

pretending the task rabbit guy putting together my furniture is actually my loving boyfriend who simply does this because i make him smile and not because im paying him

you ain’t really fuck with me way back then but how bout now?

never seen a tall boy dr pepper before

I have reason to believe the ironic t shirt I bought at the thrift store has demons attached to it by its former degenerate owner. Does anyone specialize in this sort of thing?

should i drink it

got sick as fuck the day before i start my new job