My bestie from middle/high school is my bestie again in our 30’s and that feels fucking cool as hell

First I ran out of money. Then I ran out of allergy medicine. Then I ran out of body wash. So I’ve been using one from bath and body works. And now I have hives. Everywhere.

Two people said my hair looks nice today. So now I know I can never trust them

There’s like 5 people who will always say something if I don’t have a mask on. They’ll be saying something when I cough out a piece of my lung onto their face

Trust myself!?! That bitch doesn’t know shit

I got bronchitis in November and December, I got covid and a sinus infection in January……….. and BRONCHOPNEUMONIA IN FEBRUARY 🎉🎉🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🎈🎈🎈🎈🥳🥳🥳🥳

The amount of times the phrase “let a bitch die already” goes thru my head every day.

Yesterday the nurse at urgent care gave me 4 prednisone and was like “you’re gonna go home and clean the whole house”. But instead I went home and almost fell asleep on the couch.

“You guys!!!” Me to myself 50 times a day

Jus doodlin’

When I got here I was like “lol look at this weird stain it’s from when I ate an Oreo and took a covid test, I sneezed out so much black gunk” and now I’m like “lol I sneezed on shirt right after I drank 380274 gallons of wine”

One thing about living in Philly is it always smells. Sometimes it’s the best ever, sometimes it’s the worst ever. Sometimes you can’t decide

Sorry I’m late, I was looking at a worm

Does anyone know what day basketball is on?

I wish I could love pasta less

I’m getting a pimple right between my eyebrows