Whenever I feel like giving up I look back at how far I've come and realize I'm way too far to give up on riding this rollercoaster now

"You think Broadway is going to want a guy who doesn't drink vomit tea 6 times a day?" -Brenden to Joey 2017

"Yo has anyone noticed how SEDUCTIVE hippos are. Like they're always doing that thing with their eyebrows" -Joey Sanfilippo

Was Beauty and The Beast just the most high stakes game of "He Loves me...He loves me not" ever played?

@moonseacat if you like mango smoothies then you're just as bad you mango drinking ugly ass fruit cup purée

I've never felt more American.

How can people on their deathbed confess ALL their sins? I can't even remember what I had for breakfast

Going off the grid in a cabin for a few days really helps you slow down and appreciate how great the internet is

"I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are"-MLK Jr

I have a confession.... My last tweet was mewtwo from the first Pokemon movie not MLK Jr.

Sometimes I think people worry about fashion too much, then I remember how important the cape was to my social life

Who the hell saw a long legged spider and went "oh hey there daddy~ daddy long legs~" and why did we all go along with it?

Quote of the day: Joey: "Do you ever think about, like, robot penises? Like would they be screw guns or screwdrivers?"

Yo fellas, like, is it gay to eat meat from male animals? Like you're eating another man's meat? #gay #confused