"The Internet is full of lies and gay porn."

"If you’re looking for me, I’ll be in the trash."

"Go on…"

#MCM "Oh…no."

"Just because I’m trash doesn’t mean I can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot."

"Wait…vampires that sparkle? Are they fangy faeries?"

"So I was using the bathroom and I needed to pee and I couldn’t so then I thought in my head, 'pee, come on! I know urine there!' and then I wound up laughing so hard that I peed."

"Everyone heard my story, kill me now!"

"Wait, mean and a jerk? Those two are exactly the same thing! Pretty much. Come on brain, what little of you there is, work!"

"Bravely, brave, Sir Wesley! He bravely ran away away! When the Slayer reared her pretty head, Sir Wesley bravely turned and fled!" Xander sings horribly.

"Oh sure, make fun of the Xan-man." He grumbles. "And I do wash my hands!"

Xander sees Angel and Buffy together. "I think I’m going to be sick."

"For Halloween I shall dress up as a loser trying to be sexy."

"And after being a sexy loser for Halloween, I’ll be a naked sexy loser later, in bed."

"Healthy relationships with fathers? Sounds fake."

Xander sees porn and gags, covering his face with his hands. "Oh god, my eyes!"

"Why is it called boob sweat and not humidititties?"

"I was startled by a loud fart. I was fartled."

"I started from the bottom and somehow was able to get lower."

"Oh God! I’ve never been personally attacked by a leaf before."