Have a friend that never calls me. I always call her. She says it's because she has knuckle tunnel syndrome? Dangers of rotary dial.

Birthdays. Seems like every time you turn around somebody's a year older. We gotta quit turning around.

Tom went to play golf. He said he would probably take a mulligan. I told him I thought they preferred to be called little people.

Old friends are the best. They know all your secrets, but they can't remember them either.

My friend wants to leave her kids enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing. Makes sense to me.

I love Tom. He bought me a treadmill for Valentine's Day. He finally found one that has a cup holder large enough for my ice cream.

It's funny how things like dimples are not so cute when you get older. I guess it's location, location, location.

Had to post a sign. No soliciting. Not buying cause we're broke, already voted, and found Jesus. Unless you're selling thin mints, go away!

Having one of those days. My brain went on vacation but decided not to take me with it.

Couple from AR got divorced. Bob ask the judge if he still had to love Mary. Judge said yes. You are divorced, but she's still your sister.

I've realized I can't use those vibrating massage chairs at the nail salon anymore. My chins wake me up.

Quit worrying about how old you look. It's your use of complete sentences when you text that gives away your age.

Got a new pair of shoes. Tom ask what I needed them for. I said I need them for wanting them so bad.

You have less time now than you had earlier. That's how time works.

I'd like to think that my coffee needs me too.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. 1st you only need 2 hearts and a diamond. By the end you're looking for a club or a spade!

Nana is sick and her grandson is watching her old cow. Cow got sick, couldn't get up so he shot her. When he told Nana, she shot out of bed.

Some people are bored if not challenged. I on the other hand am totally challenged by boredom.

So easy to just follow the masses. But remember sometimes the "m" is silent.

Eventually in life you realize you have said everything you have to say!