Two $2500 fines have been issued in Eagle Lake, ON for harassment of a moose. Asked to comment, the culprits replied "Curses, foiled again!"

Calgary's rental market is hot, earning record profits for property owners but making it hard for an average Freeman to find a nice embassy.

A man was detained today after bringing a "suspicious object" into an airport in Florida. It turned out to be a collared shirt.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Some water damage. We are mermaids.

Nelson Mandela has passed away at 95 after a long battle with pretty much everything.

A Dublin man who fled after murdering his landlord over a chess game has been found by police 3 blocks from the scene; 2 up and 1 over.

Lululemon stock dips 14% after announcing recent profits lower than expected, teaching executives the problem with too much transparency.

A rare Giant Squid with 13' tentacles has been caught by a fisherman in Japan. The Squid has already turned down 1B yen to appear in porn.

And this year's Academy Award for Lifetime Achievement goes to Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Q: What do you call a nigger with only one g? A: Kinda lonely.

The town of Pilger, NE was devastated by a rare Dual Tornado today. On the plus side: Two silver linings!

Technology firm #Exiii has developed a low-cost bionic hand prosthetic controlled by smartphone, offering amputees a net gain of zero hands.

Doctors warn that ADHD meds can lead to suicidal tendencies, but at least those kids are finally focused on something. #nowthatsoffensive

Scientists have developed a cure for Down's Syndrome in mice, leaving no one to rip tickets at mouse movie theatres. #nowthatsoffensive

The Toronto region has been hit with record showers this week but female comedians there still don’t feel clean.

Calgary's Mother's Milk bank says demand for donated breast milk is up 50%, likely from all the colicky babies crying about the bike lanes.

5 Brits die during whale-watching boat trip off Tofino. Condolences have arrived from the Prince of Wales *and* the Prince of Whales.

Town of St. George puts on early Christmas for 7-year-old with cancer. Other early events are planned, like Easter, Valentine's & a funeral.

New research suggests that fewer teens are texting and driving, because you have to stop when you die in a car crash.

In a bizarre hunting accident, an IN man was shot by a dog named Trigger. The hunter will be okay, thanks to a nearby raccoon named Doc.