EXPOSED: President Morty watches InfoWars

Tug-o'-Morty.

My little bitch of a son-in-law is all up in arms about “wastefulness” because I used a microbe in his precious mayonnaise for an experiment and flushed the rest down the toilet.

Fuck you and fuck your mayonnaise, Jerry.

Morty. Morty, look— come here, Morty. I gotta— we- we got things to do today, Morty.

Gonna try to be off-planet on Thursday to avoid any unwanted thanking and/or giving. Might stop by for some stuffing while Jerry’s taking a shit if I get a chance, though.

Stella Maderno-Aulenti Fuck you, Jerry.

NO! FUCK, NO, SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER, WHERE DID YOUR ACCOUNT GO YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF HUMAN GARBAGE??!

*emotionally drained belch* Jerryyyyyyyyy......

Doowop bop-a-do bow bonnnng... Pa chu chu cha cha cha...

Hey sweetie. How- how’s it going?

Where the hell are my stupid grandkids, anyway? You little dipshits. Morty? Summer?

I-I-I-I’m not sure how I feel about all those capitalized first letters, Beth, I mean, is there something to read into here or is this just a, you know, a purely stylistic choice? x.com/ofalcoholiism/…

I hope the soon-to-be-outdated iPhone was worth two nights in a tent, Jerry.

Happy arbitrary passage of time, hope the planet blows up before 2019.

It’s called a plunger, Jerry. It’s, It’s a primitive human invention that even the most basic, bottom-feeding Neanderthal like you should be able to figure out, so take it *burp* a-a-and unclog your poop, Jerry!

Morty Jr. II....

#nationalcomplimentday

Me and Morty. x.com/jhonny_solano/…