When I was 14 I took an IQ test administered by a licensed psychologist. I scored a 157 and it’s something I like to remind myself of when I have difficulty opening doors.

Thanksgiving has three stages. Stage One: Cooking or Helping Stage Two: Eating and Discussion Stage Three: Wrecking Someone’s Bathroom

I miss 90’s fashion drip. Yes my shoes have air bubbles in them. Yes they are Velcro. Yes they are multi-colored neon. Yes my dad put these lights on them. Yes I am the king of this school.

Whenever I feel like a failure, I remind myself that my great-great-grandfather, Severo Pena, burned down his dessert winery for the insurance money and died in the fire. So it’s genetic.

I still maintain a 6 feet buffer between myself and the person in front of me in line and it blows my mind how many people will lineup less than 2 feet behind me and act offended when I ask politely for more space.

You weren’t around when fire was harnessed by mankind. You weren’t around when electricity was first used in a lightbulb. You ARE here, right now, when humans first made net positive energy output with nuclear fusion 🤯

Can we please stop referring to some states as “red” and call them what they are, gerrymandered.

We should let Texas secede. Republicans would never get another US President without those 40 electoral college votes. Dems would have the house and senate too. If it’s a peaceful “divorce” the US military won’t be there to save them from Mexico’s annexation. Good luck!

I’m taking an online test to see if I have ADHD and I’ve abandoned it 4 times now to do something way cooler

Republicans don’t want you to know this. We are sending equipment to Ukraine through the Lend Lease Act. So the more equipment we send to help Ukraine, the greater their debt +interest to the US. That debt helps offset our own national debt all while crippling an adversary 🤯

The Universe: Which dystopian future do you want? AI/Terminators? WWIII Nuclear Holocaust? A Pandemic, Viral or Fungal? Climate Change and Water Wars? Chemical contaminations? Financial Crises? Mass Extinctions? Nazis? UFOs? Earth: Let’s go big. All of it, please!

Donald Trump has just been officially indicted by a New York grand jury.

For a while I was unaware there were two Matt Walshes. So after Matt Walsh from Daily Wire would say stupid shit online I’d see Matt Walsh on Veep and think, “What a piece of shit. But not as bad as that asshole serial killer, Mike Myers”

It’s only Dan Pena if it comes from the Dan Pena region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling generic white guy.

If Democratic lawmakers promise to arm every person of color with an AR-15 as reparations you would see gun control happen overnight.

Tucker is out at Fox Don is out at CNN Cyd is out at ATN What is happening?! #foxnews #cnn #SuccessionHBO

threads.net/@iamdanpena

Thinking of starting a samurai themed fight club

If I was a Targaryen dragon rider, I would rename my dragon like it was an adopted dog. Vermithor?? No. You’re Party Boy. DRACARYS, PARTY BOY! 🔥 #HouseOfTheDragon #max #Dragon