The female version of a teabag is a clam slam goodnight

Elden ring bosses everywhere

Exploring the open world and founds some mfs getting STURDY

Does anyone not fuck with uncrustables

Platted Elden Ring 😎

I did the same exact thing when one popped up in Steele lmao

I blame God’s favorite sinner for getting me back on Pokémon go

Does anyone else ever get sleep paralysis or is it just me

Imagine getting a 50k bonus but only 3k of it is cash and the rest goes into your 401k during a huge market drop🥴

How I always felt smh

Just ordered a 57 dollar steak it better make me bricked up

Shitfaced at the cardinals game talking all shit to kayla as the cubs get obliterated

I woulda let those kids get ate by the T-Rex in Jurassic park, mfers turned on a high beam light and never turned it off. That’s just natural selection at that point

Apparently I’m blowing up on twitter too! Saaw dude!

How sams club food court run out of hot dogs? Like you have a whole aisle dedicated for hot dogs go grab some

I remember the first time I ever had a McGriddle … I but that bitch and that syrup hit my tongue … I said “Hol on Ronald”

I got one for sale hmu

Cash: “Why the other reindeer keep fucking with Rudolph?”

Big facts

Definitely reached dad level because all I see are mower blades that need sharpened