if rubbing alcohol fixes the outside boo boo, then drinking alcohol fixes the inside boo boo

Wish my 8 hours of work went by as quick as my 8 hours of sleep

Me: Can I get small chocolate shake. MCDS: sOrRy oUr iCe mAcHiNeS bRoKe. Me: your moms a hoe.

Girls on Snapchat be like logging off for a while snap me if you need my number.. 2 hours later it’s “wtw”

Some things happen for a reason that are unexplainable we just have to adapt or overcome

*stays home* i should’ve went out *goes out* i should’ve stayed home

life is a party and i’m the piñata

i’m scared to see how my friends are gonna behave at my wedding

dude i used to be able to pull all nighters but now i can barely pull all dayers haha i love sleeping

I’m over here like, “can I get a two week vacation?”

Alright I’m ready to blow my money again open the bars back up I’ve been punished enough

Walmart look like Black Friday, y’all must’ve never seen 1200$ lol